Waiting
by jane0904
Summary: Next in the Mal/Freya 'verse, and following PAQUIN, Ethan is ill and Simon has to pull out all the stops to save him. NOW COMPLETE but with more stories to come.
1. Chapter 1

In the darkness of the nursery, Ethan tossed and turned, pushing back the bedclothes from his little body, sweat darkening his sleepsuit under his arms and around his back.

At the other end of the ship Bethany whimpered and hugged her Ethan doll to herself.

--

Simon finished drying himself off and pulled on his pyjama pants. "So how do you know what Jayne smells like when he's been drinking?" he asked, glancing at Kaylee who was lying in bed.

"What?"

"You said I smelled like Jayne. How did you know that?"

She smiled. "Jealous?"

"Of course." He sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm always jealous of anyone who has a history I don't know about with my wife."

"I could lie, you know."

"You could. Would you?"

"No point." She lay back, tracing patterns on his leg. "It was before you came on board. Not long before, but ... We were doing a job on Athens, and me and Jayne got separated from the Cap and Zoe, and ended up in this cave-in." She held up a hand. "I ain't gonna explain how we got there. It's a sorry tale full of coincidences and unlikely happenstance, and it's far too long to tell you now. Suffice it to say, we were caught. Only we had the goods our side, which wasn't a bad thing, as some of it was some high class food and wine." She smiled. "It didn't take Jayne long to figure that out."

"Wine?"

"Can still remember the label. _Chateau Emile de Beauville_."

Simon's jaw dropped. "_Emile de _…"

"That good?"

"That's … probably one of the most expensive wines there is. Even my father only had one bottle in his cellar."

Kaylee giggled. "Well, truth to tell there's about four less bottles in the 'verse now than there were before me and Jayne." She sighed happily. "Tasted nice though."

"I've never … my father wouldn't open it. He said it was an investment."

"You mean I've had something rich that you ain't?" Kaylee was openly delighted.

"_Emile de Beauville_." Simon shook his head. "I can't believe it."

"Jayne had to knock the tops of the bottles off, 'cause we didn't have -"

"Please, don't." Simon's face had taken on a pained expression. "To treat a wine like that …"

"It's just alcohol," Kaylee pointed out. "It ain't really any different to my inter-engine fermentation brew."

He was about to protest that it was a world away, but saw the look on his wife's face. "No, you're right. No difference at all."

Kaylee smiled. "Anyway, we kinda got drunk. Had ourselves a real nice picnic, and told each other bits and pieces about our lives."

"Did he …"

She nodded. "Tried it. I think I hit him, only I ain't too clear on that. Truth is, he didn't really mean it. Mal'd said what'd happen to him if he tried to take advantage, and it was really only a kinda natural reaction for him." She sighed. "Then they dug us out and we had to give the stuff back. _Wu de mah_, but the hangover was the worst I've ever had."

"Serves you right," Simon said, pulling back the sheet so he could slide in next to her. "Carousing with Jayne."

"I didn't carouse." She shrugged. "Whatever that means."

He smiled. "Let me show you."

--

_No peeking_. That's what everyone said. But it can't be bad. Not this time.

--

Hank rolled over in bed, then again, and pummelled his pillow.

"Can't sleep?" Zoe asked, her eyes still closed.

"Nope." Then he smiled. "Did I wake you?"

"A little." She turned to look at him. "Still upset?"

"No." He gazed into her face. "Not really."

"You'll be a good father," she said, moving around so she was facing him properly.

"How can I be sure?" He shook his head. "I mean, where do you draw the line? Things you let them do, and stuff that's out of bounds?"

"He's not born yet."

"I know. But I need to know these things. Plan them."

She took his hand in hers and placed it on her belly. "You ain't gonna be alone in this. And I don't mean just me. You got two fathers on board this boat already, and if you think they're gonna be content to just sit back and watch you, you'd better think again."

"Oh, I know. Mal's already been giving me the benefit of his advice. Simon hasn't yet, but I'm sure that's coming."

"Simon's still shell-shocked."

Hank grinned. "Yeah, he is a bit."

"I'm not sure kids were ever in his grand plan."

"Grand plan?"

"Man like him, he's sure to have had a grand plan. Go to MedAcad, become a surgeon, be invited to all the best parties, find a rich, probably enhanced beauty and get married, and end up head of the hospital or something."

"Enhanced?"

For answer Zoe cupped one of her breasts in her free hand. "Enhanced."

Hank grinned. "Luckily you don't need anything like that." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her perfect nipple. "But you don't think he wanted kids?"

"Didn't say he didn't want them. But prob'ly not yet."

"And instead he has to save his sister and ends up out here with the rest of us."

"Is that so bad?"

"No. Not bad at all." He put his head back onto his pillow. "Not with what we've got."

She smiled. "So can I get back to sleep now?"

He nodded, stroking her belly. "Long as I can keep doing this."

"That's fine." She closed her eyes and sighed in satisfaction. "You just keep doing that."

--

She sat up. Maybe it wasn't peeking. Maybe it was helping. And this time she had to.

--

Jayne lifted the bar from his chest and dropped it back into the cradle. That was probably enough. 'Specially without a spotter at this time o' night. Anything happened, he could be stuck until morning.

"I'll spot you," came a light voice, and he looked towards the entrance to the common area.

"Kinda wondered where you were," he said, sitting up. He picked up his towel and dried his arms and neck. "Thought you mighta talked yourself out on the way back from the mountains."

"I'm a girl, Jayne. We never run out of things to say." She stepped closer, coming to sit next to him on the bench.

"No, guess that's the right of it. Ain't never come across any female who couldn't talk the hind leg off a donkey."

"Can they?"

"Can they what?"

"Talk the hind leg off a donkey. I mean, legs are attached, and it takes a special skill to remove one, even from a donkey, and I don't think talking at it would work. A scalpel, perhaps, and a -"

Jayne put his hand on hers. "It's just a saying, moonbrain."

She grinned at him. "I know."

"You like winding me up, don't ya?"

Leaning against him, she rested her head on his shoulder. "It's fun."

He chuckled. "Everyone too busy for you to get to sleep?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I'm not looking."

"You ain't?"

"I'm trying the control thing again."

"Is it hard?"

"Very." She sighed.

"C'n I help?"

"You do. You fill my mind until there's no room left for anyone else."

He was a little taken aback. "I do?"

"All your thoughts. Your fears. Dreams and wishes. You're a complicated man, Jayne."

He shook his head. "No. No, I ain't. I'm real simple."

"Complicated," she insisted. "And you help me."

"That all you want me for?" he asked, for once afraid of the answer.

She smiled. "No."

He relaxed. "Good. I mean, I ain't above helping you like that, if you need it, but … there's other ways … things …"

"I'm still not ready, Jayne."

"I know, moonbrain." He squeezed her hand. "You still thinking about Jethro?"

She nodded. "I miss him."

"Maybe we all do."

"Do you?"

He backtracked a little. "Well, maybe not me. 'Cept I know how you felt, so I …"

"You do miss him."

He sighed. "Maybe a little bit."

She reached up and kissed his cheek, feeling the hairs of his goatee tickling her chin. "You're a good man."

"Nope. Never was. Never will be."

"Tell your mother that."

--

Climbing out of her bed Bethany was just able to get to the handle to open the door to her room. Carrying her doll she crossed to her parents' quarters, and slid their door aside.

"Daddy?" she called. For a moment there was no movement, then she saw her father sit up in bed.

"Honey?" He blinked hard, his eyes adjusting. "What is it? Don't you feel well?"

"Daddy, Ethan's sick."

"Your doll?"

"No. Ethan." She pointed up towards the other levels.

Simon stared at her, then swung his legs out of bed.

--

"_Freya?"_

She opened her eyes, seeing Mal lying next to her on the floor, his arm around her. It wasn't him calling, not unless it was in his sleep.

"_Mal."_

She stood up, her body stiff from the hard surface, feeling Mal waking up. She crossed to the com. "Simon?"

"_Is Ethan okay?"_

"What?"

"_Bethany says Ethan –"_

Not waiting for him to finish, she wrenched open the door to the nursery. "Oh, dear God …"

"Frey?" Mal climbed to his feet, following her, seeing her reaching into the small bed.

She turned and Mal's heart stopped beating. Ethan was lying limp in her arms, his face bright red.

He slammed his fist onto the com. "Simon. Infirmary. Now."

Only pausing to grab Freya's robe and wrap it around his wife and son, Mal helped them up the ladder, hearing her saying over and over, "God, no. Please. No."

--

"Simon?"

"I think Ethan's sick." He was dragging on a pair of pants.

"Ethan?" Kaylee sat up in bed, and her daughter ran to her, jumping into her arms to be held tightly.

"Has Zoe been in direct contact with Ethan, since they came back from the Halvorsens?"

Kaylee thought for a moment. "No. Don't think so. She was playing with Bethany, and Ethan was in the nursery …" Her face blanched. "Do you think –"

"Tell her to get to a shuttle and close the airlock."

"Oh, Simon." She jumped from the bed, then gasped. "Simon, Bethany was in with Ethan."

Her husband turned to stare at her. "When?"

"Yesterday. She … they were playing."

"I thought I said –"

"I didn't know. Not 'til River told me."

Simon took a deep breath, then looked down at his daughter, trying to keep any urgency out of voice. "Honey, stay here."

She nodded, clutching her Ethan doll.


	2. Chapter 2

River lifted her head, like a wild animal scenting the air.

"Honey?" Jayne asked.

"Ethan." She was on her feet and running towards the sickbay.

--

"Give him to me." Simon held out his hands as Freya and Mal stumbled down the stairs.

Freya handed her son over, and the doctor carried him into the infirmary. "He's burning up, Simon. And I can't wake him."

Simon put the small boy on the medbed, grabbing different bits of equipment. "Open up his suit."

Freya tried to oblige, but she couldn't control the trembling in her fingers. Mal leaned past her, put his hands on hers, and moved them out of the way. He undid the small press-studs and revealed his son's chest.

"Simon …" he said, his voice catching at the almost cherry aspect laid bare.

"Let me work." He placed sensors on Ethan's skin, then gently attached one to his finger.

"He was okay …" Freya said, wrapping her arms around herself. "The temperature had gone. And I looked in on him before …" She could hardly breathe. "Oh, God."

Mal held her closely, feeling her heart beating wildly against his ribs.

River slipped into the infirmary unnoticed, and picked up the blanket from the side counter. Gently, almost without him being aware of it, she placed it around Mal's bare shoulders. All his attention was on the still form of his son, lying like one of Bethany's rag dolls on the medbed.

"What the _diyu_'s going on?" Hank demanded, stepping into the common area from the cargo bay. "Kaylee demands Zoe goes into one of the shuttles, then …" His voice died away as he saw the activity in the infirmary. "S_hen sheng de gao wan_," he whispered.

"Ethan," Jayne said simply.

"Is it …"

"Don't know yet."

Simon was checking the readings. "His temperature's way too high," he said quietly, reaching into his supplies for a vial of milky liquid. He prepared a shot, then rapidly revised the amount taking into account the size of the patient, before stepping back to the bed. "This will bring it down," he explained, knowing they weren't going to be taking in anything above the most basic information. He injected Ethan in the neck.

The little boy twitched.

"Simon?" Freya stepped forward, her heart in her mouth.

"Just a reaction. Nothing to worry about." Simon let his professionalism talk to them, not the man underneath. "I'm just going to take a blood sample."

Mal nodded, although Freya didn't even show she'd heard.

--

River left the infirmary and went back to stand by Jayne. "I saw," she said softly. "But not soon enough."

"Is it me?" Jayne asked. "Thinking 'bout me made you not see what was happening?"

She didn't answer. Instead she made her way up the stairs towards the other level.

Jayne followed. "River?"

"I should have," she said, turning to gaze at him. "Every time I don't see, someone gets hurt. I should have seen this coming."

"It ain't your fault."

"If I'd known …"

"No, River." He closed the gap between them until he was standing just below her. "Ain't your fault."

She looked into his eyes. "You'd better get back. Wait to find out what happens."

"Where're you going?"

"I'll be back in a moment," she said by way of answer, then was gone on silent feet.

--

Mal could feel Freya trembling against him as if she was freezing, despite the warmth in the room and the robe around her. He tugged the blanket around them both, holding her close.

"How soon?" Mal asked.

"It'll be a little while," Simon said, letting the machines start their analysis. "Why don't you wait outside, Mal? Take Freya to sit down before she falls down."

Freya shook her head, and Mal said, "Ain't going anywhere, doc."

--

Zoe was pacing the small shuttle. As soon as Kaylee had called, Hank had insisted she do what she was told, and she'd been waiting, more or less patiently, from that moment.

That patience, however, was beginning to wear very thin indeed.

"Honey?" Hank's voice through the door.

"What the _diyu_'s happening?" she called, hurrying round. She reached for the handle to open the door, let him in, but she saw him grab it from the other side, holding it closed.

"Ethan's sick."

"Sick?"

"Don't know what with yet, so you gotta stay put." His face was slightly distorted through the thick glass.

"What? Why?"

"Because you're pregnant, Zoe."

"Hank …"

"Please. Don't argue. No-one's gonna put you or the baby in danger."

"How sick?"

The look on Hank's face said it all. "Pretty bad."

"Mal and Freya?"

"'Bout what you'd expect."

"I need to be there."

"You need to be _here_. Please. Don't make me worry more." He was pleading.

Their eyes met, dark brown to grey. "Okay," she said. "But you keep me informed."

He nodded. "I will. Look, I'd better …"

"Yeah."

He put his hand on the glass, wishing he was touching her, then vanished.

Zoe stood still for a moment, then went to sit in the cockpit chair. She so desperately wanted to be there for them, to be Mal's right arm, giving him her strength, instead of locked away as if she was afraid.

--

"Did I do right?" Bethany asked, watching her mother standing in the doorway.

Kaylee was trying to see what was happening without actually leaving her daughter. Now she turned and looked at her. "Course you did, sweetie."

The little girl was huddled in the corner of the bed, clutching her doll. "Only I was peeking."

"Oh." Now Kaylee understood. She sat down on the bed and held out her arms. Bethany scrambled into her embrace. "You did the right thing, Bethie. Peeking's mostly bad, but when it's done for the right reasons, like now, then it's okay."

"He wanted to call out. Wanted to tell Auntie Frey that he was sick, but his throat hurt." Bethany buried her little face in Kaylee's chest.

"So he told you instead?"

Bethany nodded. "Auntie Frey was busy. Then she was asleep, and he … Is Ethan gonna be all right?"

"Oh, I'm sure he is, honey. Daddy's looking after him. I'm sure he's gonna be fine."

Bethany held on tightly, seeing Kaylee's thoughts as plain as day as her mother prayed she was telling the truth.

--

"Here." River had slipped back into the infirmary and held out some clothes. "You need to dress."

Mal glanced at her, almost as if he didn't recognise her, then nodded. "Thanks." He took his pants, dropping the blanket onto the ground as he pulled them on, not bothering to do more than make himself decent. The shirt he left hanging open.

"You're bleeding." River pointed to the red stain showing on the bandage around his chest.

"Don't matter."

She reached out to take a look. "At least let me -"

His hand grabbed hers. "No. I said it doesn't matter, River. It ain't important."

She gazed into his eyes, then nodded. "Ethan."

"Ethan."

There was a click, then a slight buzz, and Simon turned to his machines.

River melted out of the sickbay, going to stand by Jayne, sliding her hand into his.

"Soon?" the big man asked.

"Soon."

Simon double-checked the results, then brought up information on the Cortex screen.

"Simon?" Mal asked.

The young man held up a hand. "Give me just …"

"No, doc. You tell us. Now."

Simon took a deep breath and turned to look at them. "I know what this is. Ethan has a variant of Minuet's Fever. Children are prone to it, but once they're over the age of two it usually manifests itself as nothing worse than mild 'flu."

"And under two?" Mal asked, dreading the answer.

"A baby's immune system isn't as well developed, and what with him living on a ship like this –"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"In a normal environment, on a planet, he'd have come into contact with lots of different germs, viruses, and his immune system would have got stronger to deal with them. As it is, living here, he hasn't –"

"You mean even though I thought I was keeping him safe he …" Mal's face was white.

"I only mean he hasn't been exposed to the things children planetside are. Nothing else, Mal. Bethany's in the same situation, and she's never had more than a cold or two. This is just unlucky."

"Luck?" The sheer icy rage in his voice had Simon almost take a step backwards. "My son might be dying and you're talking about luck?"

"Dying?" Freya could hardly speak. Only Mal's strong arms around her stopped her from slipping to the floor. "No, please, not that."

Simon tried to stop her panic. "What I've given him is bringing his temperature down. I'll set up an IV to get some fluids into him and we should see some improvement soon."

"So he's gonna be okay?" Mal asked, grasping at his words.

"There'll be some improvement. When I know how much, then I can decide on the best form of treatment."

"Where did he get it?"

"Probably Paquin. The histology of this particular form means the crisis comes about three days after initial exposure."

"Halvie's boy."

"More than likely. Although Halvorsen's child is probably older. I doubt they knew it was anything worse than the sniffles." The young doctor was trying to keep them calm.

"How come you didn't pick this up when you found he'd got a temperature before?" Mal wanted to know. "Didn't you check for things?"

"I did check, Mal. But this virus hides. In this case it took advantage of that weakened immunity, only flaring once it …"

"What, Simon?" Mal stared down at his son. "What's it doing to him?"

"That's not important right now, so much as what we do next."

"Next?" His head jerked up. "You said there'd be improvement. Now you're saying you can't treat him?"

"I'm not saying that at all. I'd just feel better knowing we were somewhere with proper medical facilities."

Mal stared at the young doctor's face. "Hank," he called.

The pilot leaned in the doorway. "Cap."

"How fast can we get to Greenleaf?"

"Twelve hours if we push it?"

"Burn the compression coil out for all I care. Just get us there soon as you can."

"On it." Hank ran for the bridge.

Mal stared at Freya, holding their son's hand. He took a deep breath and dragged Simon outside. Freya didn't even appear to notice them leave.

"There's more than what you're saying, isn't there?" Mal glared at the young man, his eyes like chips of ice.

"Mal, do you want to have this conversation here?" He looked pointedly around, at Jayne and River, at Kaylee standing in the entrance to the lower crew quarters.

"Doc, you start talking, or so help me …"

Simon let his training take over again. "Mal, I don't have the antiviral. That means we do what we can with what we have."

"You mean he ain't gonna get better?"

"I didn't say that. We can keep his fever down, keep him hydrated … give his system a chance to recover naturally."

"Will it?" Mal's grip on his arm tightened. "Will it?"

"Mal, Minuet's isn't usually …" He couldn't finish.

"Fatal. That's the word you're looking for."

Simon took a deep breath. "Most children, even his age, survive it with no discernible after effects."

"After effects. What kind?"

"Mal, there's no reason to think -"

His grip tightened. "What kind, Simon?" He glanced into the infirmary, at his wife standing next to their son, more pain in her than all that Wing had managed to do. He looked back. "Please."

Simon couldn't speak for a moment, then said, "In a hospital, with the kind of equipment they have, the Minuet's would probably have been detected before now. They would have administered the antiviral, and Ethan would have recovered quickly."

"Would have."

"With it having got as far as the fever, there's more chance of possibly permanent damage."

"Tell me."

"No." Simon spoke firmly. "I won't do this. You'll be worrying about something that isn't going to happen."

"Doc." Mal's voice showed the pain he was in. "Please."

He gave in. "Blindness. Hearing loss. Mal, these are just worst case scenarios -"

"What else?"

"Learning problems. And, more immediately, heart failure."

Any colour Mal still had in his face fled as he let go, taking a step back. "_Tah muh duh_."

'"That's why I've got him on all the monitors. Why I can't let him go back to the nursery, even if he wakes up. If there's going to be … it'll be soon."

"Don't tell Frey. Not unless …" Mal could hardly breathe, his chest was so tight.

"Do you think she doesn't already know?"

Mal walked to the window, looked in at her. She was smoothing Ethan's hair for the hundredth time. "Be bald by the time she's done," he muttered, and she looked up at him through the glass. "Oh, Frey, why'd you have to be psychic? Why now?" He couldn't stop the tears from falling, mirroring her own.


	3. Chapter 3

Hank had increased their speed as much as he dared. He'd managed to pull a little more power and plot a better course, and he'd cut the time to Greenleaf to under ten hours, but it still seemed a hell of a long time. Longer for them downstairs, though.

Now he sat and stared out of the window, had done for more than a couple of those hours, out at the stars sprinkled across the sky like diamonds. No, not diamonds. Maybe the wishes of people. More like. And among them were wishes of his own. Whole-hearted ones that Ethan would be okay. And more guilty ones that he suppressed quickly on the lines of if any child died he didn't want it to be his.

He checked the navigation once more, then got to his feet. He had to know.

--

"Kaylee?" Simon looked into the engine room.

"How's Ethan?" his wife asked, bringing her head out from under the housing and rubbing her hands on the greasy rag at her waist.

"The same."

"So what're you doing here? Not that I ain't pleased to see you."

"I needed to stretch my legs. I can't stare at those monitors any longer." He smiled a little. "And I told Mal I needed to make sure you were okay." He sighed. "To tell the truth I couldn't take any more."

"Mal and Freya?"

"I know we'd be the same over Bethany, but I can't do anything right now, and it …"

"Makes it difficult?"

"Very." He glanced at Bethany asleep in the hammock. "Worn out?"

"Worrying about Ethan."

"So what are _you_ doing in here?"

"Gotta keep my girl flying. Mal weren't joking when he said about burning out the coil, and I don't blame him. But if I can coax her along, maybe we won't actually blow up."

"Is there any likelihood of that?"

"The way Hank drives?"

Simon managed another slight smile which died as quickly as it was born. "I should've known," he said, sitting down on the steps. "I should have realised it was something more than just a temperature spike."

"How? You said it hides. And we might have the best doc in all the 'verse, but you can't know everything." Kaylee sat next to him, mindful of getting dirt on him. "You did the best you could with what you got."

"It wasn't good enough." Simon didn't care about the grease. He just wanted to feel someone close to him, and he pulled her into his side. "Mal thinks he's responsible for everyone on Serenity. He's captain, so he's in charge, and he's right. But my responsibility goes way beyond that. I have to keep them alive. And I didn't realise Ethan was that sick."

Kaylee put her arms around his waist. "You know, I think the Cap should change the name of this boat. Not Serenity no more. He should call it _My Fault_. Everyone always thinks if they'd done something different, said something, or not, that things wouldn't've turned out the way they did. Lately that's all anyone's been saying."

"The _My Fault_." Simon shook his head. "Has a sort of ring to it."

"Don't you go suggesting it, though." She looked into his face. "'Cause it ain't true. It's not yours or anyone's fault. Not even Halvorsen's."

Simon exhaled deeply. "Oh, _bao bei_, what would I do without you?"

"Life'd probably be a lot simpler."

"But a lot less interesting."

"So is Ethan gonna be okay?"

"I don't know," Simon admitted. "Freya won't leave his side, Mal's right there next to her, and both of them want me to tell them exactly what might happen. And I seriously don't know."

"What about Zoe? She's been in that shuttle for quite a while already. Does she have to stay there?"

"Minuet's is something pregnant women really don't want to come into contact with," Simon said softly.

"Why? What does it do?" Kaylee asked.

Simon rubbed his hands over his tired face. "It can cause spontaneous abortion."

"Oh, Simon." Kaylee was shocked.

"Except if it was going to happen, it would probably have before now. The fever's most likely burnt out or at least reduced the virus itself. As long as she doesn't actually go near Ethan, Zoe should be able to go back to her bunk."

"Thanks, doc," Hank said from the doorway.

They both turned to look at him, and Simon stood up. "Sorry, Hank. I should have said."

"But you think it's okay?"

"I think so."

"But you ain't sure."

"Not one hundred percent, no."

"Then she stays put." He was about to leave when he paused. "Will it be okay for me to go into the shuttle? Spend some time with her? I mean, I won't take it in with me?"

"I got the air scrubbers working flat out," Kaylee put in. "If that makes any difference."

Simon looked from one to the other. "Honestly, Hank, if you're concerned at all, then don't. A few hours on her own isn't going to hurt her."

Hank nodded. "I understand. And thanks for saying."

"Saying what?"

"That you don't really know. I understand what that means to a man like you, admitting you don't have all the answers."

"I never said I did."

Hank smiled slightly and headed for the shuttle.

Simon sighed.

"What was that for?" Kaylee asked, snuggling back.

"He's right. I act like I know everything there is to know about medical matters, but I can't even advise him what to do."

"He ain't gonna let anything happen to Zoe. Whether she likes it or not."

"True." Simon smiled a little himself. "You know, I'd quite like to hear that conversation myself."

"Now that's not nice." She looked past him. "Did you see where Bethany went?"

--

"Zoe. It's me."

She was instantly awake from her catnap, and at the door. "Hank. How's Ethan?"

"Still … don't know yet."

Zoe felt her heart contract. "And Mal and Freya?"

"Worried sick. We're headed for Greenleaf as fast as we can." He leaned on the glass. "Oh, Zo. If anything happens to him …"

She understood. He worried about them all, but Ethan was an innocent … "I take it I can't come out yet?"

"Simon said you probably could, but … do you mind?"

She'd done a lot of thinking in the last couple of hours. "It's okay, Hank," she said, and noted the relief flooding across his face here. "I'll stay. It ain't gonna hurt me."

"Thanks." He wanted to say more, to tell her how much this meant to him, but could only manage the one word.

"You tell them I'm thinking of them. Praying for Ethan."

"I didn't think you prayed. Like Mal."

"You think he isn't?"

"I reckon he'd be down on his knees if he thought it'd make any difference."

"He did for Freya. And so would we all, dear." She smiled at him. "You'd better get back. See if you can't shave the time a bit more."

He nodded. "Yeah. And if I don't tell you enough, you're amazing."

"Just don't forget I'm here."

"I won't. Do you need anything?"

Zoe looked around the sparse shuttle, and shook her head. "Kinda suits my mood, truth to tell. And there's some stuff here if I get hungry."

"I'll be back. Soon as we know anything."

"You do that." She watched him blow her a kiss then hurry off, back to the bridge. She went and sat down on the bench along the wall, leaning her elbows on her knees and clasping her hands in front of her. "Let Ethan be okay …" she murmured, closing her eyes. "Please."

--

"I ain't been home. Not since I was … well, long time ago." Jayne dropped into the chair and River lowered herself carefully onto his lap, twisting her legs up under her. "Not even when Matty got sick with the damp-lung."

"Your momma forgave you," River said, putting her head on his shoulder, needing the comfort of another human being. Needing Jayne's comfort.

He glared at her, then his gaze softened. "Yeah, guess you would know all 'bout that."

"He was your father. You had to avenge him."

"Not how she saw it. My Ma, well, she kinda died herself inside that night, and what I did just made it worse."

"An eye for an eye."

"Yeah."

"It's in the Bible."

"Book would've said we were better'n that. Only I guess I ain't."

"Do you want to go home?"

"Not sure I got one. Least, one that ain't here, on board."

"You've got your momma." She smiled. "Still sends you socks and nether garments."

His lips twitched. "She's my Ma."

"She loves you. You know she'd like to see you."

"It's been a long time, River."

"It's never too long to go home, Jayne."

"You planning on it?"

"I wish I could." She put her arms around his neck. "But this is my home now. My family."

"Yeah."

"That's why we hurt when they hurt."

"Trouble is, ain't nothing we can do. Not to help that kid in there."

"He reminds you of Matty."

Jayne nodded. "First time I saw him in that crib Pa made. All pink and squally, like some kinda worm."

"More like a puppy."

He smiled. "Easier to look after."

"I'd like a puppy."

"You want I should buy you one?"

"The Captain wouldn't allow it."

"How'd he stop us? Time he found out, we'd have everyone on our side."

"He'd be angry."

"What? With it having those big eyes, and them big feet, all slobbery? What ain't to love?"

"Sounds like you."

"I don't slobber." He thought for a moment. "'Less I'm drunk." His grin returned. "'Sides, little thing like that'd have everyone on its side. One of those fait 'ccompli's. Hank'd be all over it, so'd Bethany. And Freya'd talk him round. And soon as Mal saw Ethan playing with it …" His voice trailed off and his face lost its humour.

"He'll play soon."

"Hope you're right, moonbrain. Surely hope you're right."

--

Mal had at least made Freya sit down, the stool drawn up as close as she could get it to the bed. She wouldn't go and dress, though, not take out those precious few minutes. Instead she'd wrapped her robe as tightly around herself as possible, and he'd topped it with the blanket. Now he stood next to her, neither of them intending to move an inch.

Freya was singing, really quietly, barely vocalising, but Mal recognised it as the lullaby she used to calm Ethan if he woke in the night.

"_Sleep softly, my baby, and close your eyes, your momma is with you to gentle your cries. Sleep softly, my darling, and when you awake your daddy will hold you, your laughter to make_."

He wanted to ask her to stop, that it was killing him, but he knew he couldn't. It was the only thing keeping her going right now. Instead he had his hand on her shoulder, giving her what comfort he could.

"Auntie Frey? Uncle Mal?"

They both looked up, and Mal crossed the infirmary to the little girl standing in the doorway. "Bethie. You shouldn't be here."

"I was worried about Ethan." She looked at him, her large eyes concerned.

"Bethany, really, you should go back," Freya said.

The little girl shook her head. She put her hands out for Mal to pick her up. "Ethan's sick."

Mal swallowed and lifted her onto his hip. "He's … your daddy's looking after him."

"Daddy's a doctor."

"That he is. And he's going to make Ethan all better." Mal managed a smile.

"I brought this." Bethany held out something. "In case he's lonely."

"What is it?"

"Dinosaur." It was one of those from the bridge, the one everyone called Steve. "Uncle Wash's favourite."

"He'd like that." Mal glanced at Freya, who nodded, and he carried Bethany to the bed, holding her carefully so she could reach out and put the toy next to Ethan.

She placed her little hand on his forehead. "Come back soon," she said softly.

Agony flashed through Freya, her face screwing up with the pain. Tears splashed down again.

Bethany looked at her. "Don't be sad," she said, reaching out to wipe her fingers over Freya's cheeks. "Ethan will be okay."

Freya held out her arms and Mal placed the little girl into them. "Oh, Bethie, I hope you're right."

Bethany wrapped her arms around Freya's neck. "I peeked. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Freya sniffed, trying to smile. "You did the right thing."

"That's what Momma said. But I don't understand."

Freya pushed her back enough so she could look into her face. "When Ethan's better, I'll explain –"

She didn't finish. Alarms went off.

"Simon!" she screamed, jumping to her feet, putting Bethany on the floor in her haste to get to her son. The little girl scurried into the corner.


	4. Chapter 4

Simon jumped down the last steps and was inside the infirmary almost before the sound of Freya's scream had finished reverberating around Serenity. He checked the monitors, quelling the alarm, then was at Ethan's side, his finger pressed gently against the boy's neck.

"His heart's not …" He didn't finish.

"Ethan?" Freya was in shock.

"Mal, take her outside. Now." There was no possibility of argument in his voice.

Mal put her arms around his wife. "Frey –"

"No!" She struggled to free herself.

"Please." He turned her around, made her look at him. "Please," he pleaded.

The pain on her face, the anguish and distress, torturing her as surely as … "Mal …"

"Please."

She gave in, letting him lead her out into the common area. She kept looking over his shoulder.

"I need …" Simon ground his teeth as he grabbed different pieces of equipment.

"What?" River asked, appearing at his elbow.

He looked up in gratitude. "Read me," he said simply.

She nodded, letting the thoughts of what he wanted her to do direct her hands.

Hank tumbled down the stairs, barely stopping himself from falling at the last step. "What was that?" he asked, his eyes automatically going to the infirmary window. And River lifting out the defibrillator paddles.

_Don't let her see_. River's voice in Jayne's mind had the big man standing, moving between Freya and the door.

"What –" Mal began, then saw the look on the mercenary's face. His blood ran cold.

"No!" Freya shouted, fighting to get past them, her mind showing her son's body jerking with the electricity flowing through it.

Kaylee stepped closer, her cheeks wet with tears of her own. "Frey, let him work," she said softly.

Freya stared at her, then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed, only Mal's arms stopping her from falling to the floor.

He swung her up, carried her to the sofa. Quickly he checked her pulse. Strong, but rapid.

"She's fainted." Mal looked at Jayne. "Will you …"

He nodded. "I'll stay with her, Mal."

Mal put a hand on his shoulder and went back to the infirmary door.

_Again_, Simon thought, pushing air into the little boy's lungs, all the while checking the monitors, not able to do everything himself, no matter how much he wanted to.

River placed the paddles either side of Ethan's chest and pressed the button. He jerked.

Simon glared at the monitor, begging for something, anything. Then … a beat. Just one. Then another. More. "He's back," he breathed.

River dropped the paddles and took over on the ambubag, the mask covering Ethan's nose and mouth, as her brother pulled the scanner across.

"Simon?" Mal asked, his voice seeming so lost.

"The sino-atrial node is failing. It's the regulator for the heart," Simon said quickly, tracing the damage on the monitor. "The virus must have injured it, and it stopped sending electrical impulses, causing his heart to …" He stopped and looked at the captain. "We jumped started it again, and he's breathing on his own, Mal."

"Did he … was he …"

"We got him back. But that node … I can't fix it, Mal."

"Can't …"

"A small pacemaker needs to be fitted, otherwise it will keep happening. Until …"

"Until he dies." He could barely say the words.

Simon nodded slowly. "His heart won't be able to take the strain."

"How long?"

"Days. Maybe less."

"Can you –"

"No." The young doctor spoke firmly. "I don't have the equipment to operate on a baby. Nor the pacemaker itself."

"Could you do it? If you did?" Mal asked urgently, but any hopes he had died as Simon shook his head.

"I was a trauma surgeon, not a cardiologist. And on a child this size, it takes a specialism I just don't have."

"Then Ethan's only hope is Greenleaf."

"I'm sorry, Mal."

"It's what you were afraid of."

Simon nodded.

"Cap?" Kaylee spoke hesitantly.

"Not now."

"I can get maybe a bit more out of her, Cap'n," Kaylee said softly. "If I … there are things I can do, that ain't right, but … maybe get –"

He looked sharply at her. "How much more?"

"Cap'n, it might rip her apart."

"How much more?"

"Enough to cut the time in half."

"Do it."

"Cap'n, I just said –"

"Do it!" His voice was harsh. "This is my boat, and if I say do it, you do it. 'Less you want me to put you off next planet we come to!"

Kaylee swallowed. "I know you don't mean that. It's just Ethan 'n' all. But I'll do it." She backed away from him, before running up the stairs to the safety of her engine room.

"Mal …" Jayne said.

"I know." Mal wiped his hands across his face. "I'll apologise later. But … Jayne, this is my son."

"Yeah. And she knows how you feel. We all do."

Hank nodded firmly. "I'll get back to the bridge. Must be something else I can do. Maybe even a cruiser closer."

"Thanks," Mal said. He watched his pilot run out of the common area, his boots echoing through the cargo bay.

"Jayne," River called.

"What is it?"

"Bethany." She nodded down towards the corner.

"What are you talking about?" Simon asked. "What about Bethany?"

Jayne stepped into the infirmary, making very little noise for such a big man, and walked towards the cupboards at the back.

"Don't you worry none, doc," the mercenary said, bending down and opening the door. "It's just somewhere she likes to hide." He reached in and small hands gripped his.

"Uncle Jayne," she whispered, letting him pull her out.

"Bethany?" Simon was appalled. "What are you doing in there?" He took his daughter, holding her close.

"I … everyone was so loud," she whimpered. "Scared. Wanted to disappear."

"Were you in there all the time?" She nodded, and buried her face in his shoulder. "Oh, honey."

"Want me to take her back to her room?" Jayne asked.

"I … would you? Sit with her a while?" If nothing else he knew the big man would look after her.

"Sure. Wouldn't offer if I didn't want to."

"Thanks." Simon handed her back, and Bethany tightened her arms around her uncle's neck.

"S'okay, short stub," he said gently. "Ain't nothing gonna happen to you while I'm around." He carried her back outside.

Simon stared after him for a moment, then glanced at Mal. "You need to let me look at that bullet wound."

"What?"

"Your chest. You're bleeding."

Mal glanced down. His shirt was stuck to him, and as he pulled it away he realised it was wet with blood. "Hadn't noticed."

"I need to check it. It looks like you've opened it up again."

"Doc, like I told your sister, it ain't important."

"And if you bleed to death while you stand there? Or get infected? How's that going to help Ethan?"

"Mal, let him," Freya said, standing in the doorway.

"Honey." He crossed the infirmary and took her into his arms.

"I can't lose you too." Her voice was muffled, her face buried in his chest.

"Oh, _ai ren_, you won't lose either of us."

"Then let Simon deal with that." She looked up at him. "Then you'd better go apologise to Kaylee."

--

It felt like she was cutting her open. Kaylee's hands were sure, certain, but every move was like slicing into her own child. Removing the safeties, cutting the margins to below bare minimum, and Serenity was screaming now, wanting to tear herself apart in terror at what was being done.

"I'm sorry," Kaylee said, over and over. "I'm so sorry." Tears were running down her grimy face, cutting pale furrows over her cheeks.

"Kaylee?"

She didn't turn. "I'm doing it, Cap. Ain't no need for you to come and shout again."

"Wasn't going to shout," Mal said, stepping over the sill. "Came to apologise."

She looked up, surprise warring with the sadness. "What did you just say?"

"I'm saying I'm sorry, Kaylee." He took a step closer to her. "Got a reason, but no excuse for what I said. And you know I didn't mean it. My brain ain't exactly working too well at the moment."

"He'll be okay, Cap'n."

"What if he ain't?" He let the words fall from his lips now, the worries he could never have said in front of Freya. "What if Simon's right, and his heart can't … if he …" He closed his eyes, trying not to see the little body. "If I have to bury him on Prom, Freya'll be next to him. And I can't … whatever happens, I can't take that."

He felt her put her arms around him, pulling him in. His raised of their own accord, holding her tight.

"It won't happen, Mal," she said softly. "Simon won't let it."

"I'm so sorry, Kaylee."

"It's okay. It's okay."

As he hugged her, his chin on the top of her head, she remembered all the other times he'd done so, in laughter and in sorrow. When she had homesickness that time, just after she'd come on board, and his first hug had been somewhat awkward, but it gave her the strength to carry on and not ask to be set back on Phoros. Then after the job on Ariel, when Simon had been so clever. And after Wash had died, and she finally realised he wasn't ever coming back when he eased her pain in the middle of the night as she stood on the bridge and sobbed. Now she wanted to give him that strength back, to get him through this.


	5. Chapter 5

"My name's Simon Mara. I'm medic on board the Firefly transport ship Serenity. We have a medical emergency." Simon leaned over the Cortex screen, staring at the woman whose image glared back.

"What is the nature of your emergency?" She was the epitome of efficiency, and no-one was going to come into her hospital without her say so.

"We have an eight and a half month old baby boy in severe cardio distress. His SA-node is failing."

The look on her face softened a little. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "He's already had one seizure, and I'm afraid there will be more."

"Do you know the cause?"

"Minuet's."

The woman nodded. "When will you be here?"

"Less than an hour."

"Do you require an ambulance?"

"Yes."

"Your docking port?"

"Havers Dock, no. 15." Hank had already arranged it.

"A vehicle will be waiting. I'll have our emergency team standing by." She glanced down at another screen. "Do you have payment? This is, I'm afraid, beyond the normal level of statutory care."

"As much as it costs."

She nodded. "In an hour."

The screen went to static.

"They gonna be able to do this?" Hank asked, retaking his seat.

"Greenleaf has an excellent medical facility, the best in the area. I'm sure Ethan will have the finest of care." Simon went to leave the bridge.

"Doc, this is me you're talking to. There ain't a one of us needs to hear that medical-type speech coming from you. Just answer the question."

Simon sighed inwardly. "You know when I said I didn't know about whether it was a good idea for Zoe to come out of the shuttle?"

Hank nodded slowly. "Right. I see." His lips lifted in a humourless smile. "So the finest of care."

"They'll look after him."

"They'd better." Hank stared back out into the stars. "And the fee?"

"Jayne's got an idea about that."

--

"I can't ask you," Mal insisted.

"It's for Ethan," Jayne said, holding out the wedge of cash. "I ain't spent hardly any of it, and I … Mal, just take the damn money."

Kaylee was nodding. "Gotta take it, Cap'n." She had more notes in her hand. "Please."

Mal shook his head.

Simon put his arm around his wife. "Mal, this isn't going to be cheap. And you don't have insurance of any kind."

"I ain't taking your money."

"This is the best hospital on Greenleaf, the best in this sector. If we went to the free clinic, they might not be able to …"

Mal glared at him. "I know what's at stake here, doc. I got coin. Every penny I got's ready."

"And it might not be enough. Let us help."

"_Wo de mah_," he muttered, sitting down hard on his chair. "You're all _feng kuang_."

"We're family," River said softly, padding up to him and placing her money on the table in front of him. "I wish I hadn't bought those lights, otherwise there'd be more."

"Thanks, albatross," he said, smiling at her, just the corners of his mouth lifting.

"You take this," Kaylee whispered, putting hers on top of River's. "'N' don't you even think about saying no." She briefly squeezed Simon's hand then hurried back to her engine room.

"She's right," Hank put in, adding his share. "Zoe'd kill me if she thought I'd let you be all noble and stupid."

"Stupid?"

"Her words," Hank said quickly. "'Sides, can't think of a better thing to spend my ill-gotten gains on." He walked away towards the bridge, hoping everyone'd think he just had something in his eyes.

"I'd better get back to the infirmary," Simon added. "Get Ethan ready to travel." He hurried out, leaving Mal with River and Jayne.

The psychic nodded at Jayne, who put his money on the table with the rest.

"Family, Mal. All comes down to that. Always does in the end." He strode out.

"I don't understand," Mal muttered.

"They care," River said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "About you. About Freya. About Ethan."

She melted away, leaving the captain alone. After a long moment staring at the money, he put his head down on his arms and cried.

--

"Havers Control, this is the Firefly Serenity, requesting emergency landing clearance." Hank released the switch on the hand com.

"Serenity, you are cleared for emergency landing. An ambulance is waiting at the dock."

"Thank you, Havers Control. Serenity out." He hung up the com and brought the Firefly to the correct angle of descent, dropping through the layer of cloud.

Below them sat several dozen ships, all different shapes and sizes, some glinting like newly minted coin in the sun, others so dirty they absorbed all the light. Not that Hank saw. All he could do was concentrate on getting them down in one piece.

The ground came up fast, but he was too good a pilot. Without even a jar Serenity touched down, her support struts extending to keep her steady. He killed the engines, and the sharp, high note that had been putting everyone's teeth on edge for some hours disappeared.

He grabbed the com. "We're down, people. And they're waiting."

In the cargo bay River was already pressing her hand onto the button, and the cargo bay doors were opening.

"Captain Reynolds?" asked a man in a dark jumpsuit and a peaked hat, standing next to a white ambulance.

"Yes," Mal said. He looked over his shoulder, seeing Freya carrying Ethan out of the common area. "You know where we're going?"

"Yes sir."

Mal nodded. He turned to Freya. "Ready?"

She shook her head, and he put his arm around her as they carried Ethan out of Serenity to the waiting vehicle, Simon at their side, his bag in his hand.

Bethany wrapped her arms around her mother's legs. "My fault," she whispered, watching her father be whisked away, River staring after them.

"What, sweetie?" Kaylee asked, not really listening, her mind on the anguish radiating from that small family.

"My fault."

Kaylee looked down at her daughter. "How can it be your fault, Beth?" she asked.

"I painted him." Sobs wracked her little body.

Immediately Kaylee was on the deck, holding her, rocking her gently. "It wasn't that, Bethany. It wasn't 'cause you painted him."

"But Daddy told me not to play. And I wanted to. My fault." She closed her eyes and held onto her mother.

"No." Kaylee shook her head vehemently. "Ethan's sick, yes. But it ain't 'cause of you. I'm just glad you didn't catch it too."

Bethany looked up, her cheeks tear-stained. "Am I sick?"

"No, Bethie." Kaylee hugged her back to her chest. "You might have caught it, that's all. That was why we didn't want you playing with Ethan."

"Not because I gave him anything bad?"

"We were worried about _you_, honey."

Bethany sniffed. "Ethan going to be okay?" she asked, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

"I'm sure he is, sweetie," Kaylee said, pulling a smile from somewhere. "His daddy and mommy ain't gonna let anything happen to him. Neither's _your_ daddy."

"Kaylee, move outta the way," Jayne called as he started to lower the hover mule, the chains clanking through the pulleys.

"What are you doing?" the young mechanic asked, scrabbling to her feet, Bethany in her arms.

"Ya think we're gonna stay here and wait for news?"

"No way," Hank said, coming out of the doorway and heading for the shuttle. "No rutting way." He called out. "Zoe. Come on, it's time to go."

Immediately it slid open. "The hospital?" she asked, stepping out.

"Can't stay here," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

"No."

Jayne had the vehicle to the deck. "She'll only take five."

"I'll stay," Kaylee said. "I've gotta see to my girl. And it means I can look after Bethany." She hugged her daughter a little tighter. "But you keep me informed."

Zoe nodded. "Don't worry," she said, following Hank to the hover.

"Every ten minutes or so," Kaylee added firmly.

"We will."

--

The admitting clerk watched as the ambulance landed, the door opening almost immediately. A man stepped out, followed by a woman holding a baby in her arms. They were both pale, holding on by little more than a thread, it was obvious. For once her heart beat a little faster for them, then she was all business.

"Captain Reynolds?" she asked.

The man nodded. "This is my son, Ethan." He indicated the baby.

"Please, give him to the nurse." She nodded towards one of the medtechs.

"Mal, can't we …" The woman held back, her arms close around the little boy.

"It's okay, Frey," the man, Mal, said. "Let them do their work." He held out his hands.

Very reluctantly she placed the baby in his arms, then wrapped her own around herself. Captain Reynolds let the nurse take him, placing him onto a small gurney and connecting him up to various monitors.

Another man had climbed from the ambulance, the medical bag in his hand indicating he was a doctor of some sort.

"I'm Simon Mara," he said, walking towards her. "I made the arrangements."

"Yes, of course." She ticked his name off on her pad. "I need some further details …"

"I'll do that." The young man turned to his friends. "You go with Ethan. I'll be along directly."

The couple nodded and followed the nurse.

"They're very devoted," the clerk couldn't help saying.

"They are."

"And it was Minuet's?"

"Yes." The clerk was amazed at the anguish that flittered across the young man's face. "There was nothing I could do."

"Are you a doctor?"

He seemed to consider his answer. "I … I've had some medical training."

"Then there was nothing. Even one of our specialists would be hard-pressed to identify that infection without tests."

"Yes." He didn't seem soothed by her words. "Look, can I scrub in? I only want to observe, nothing else."

She was surprised. "Oh, well, I don't know. I'd have to check with the …" His dark eyes were almost pleading with her. "I'll find out."

"Thank you."

She glanced down at his hands, at the wedding band on his finger. _Why were all the caring ones married_? she asked herself.

--

Bethany watched as her mother tweaked and prodded, making notes on a small pad of paper as she tutted her way around the engine.

"Can I help?" she asked quietly, hugging her Ethan doll to her chest.

"You are helping, Bethie," Kaylee said, looking over her shoulder and pulling a smile out. "You're keeping me company."

"I mean with Serenity."

"It ain't safe, sweetie. Too many sharp bits, and moving parts. I don't want you ta get hurt."

"Is Serenity okay?"

"She's fine, honey." Kaylee leaned back under the housing, feeling the unnatural heat coming from the grav couplings.

"She hurts."

Kaylee paused, her hand on the regulator. "You can feel that?"

Bethany looked down. "Is that peeking?" She twisted her finger around in her doll's hair.

Her mother slid out and looked up. "You mean hearing Serenity?"

Bethany nodded. ''Es."

"No, Bethie. That ain't peeking. I hear her too. And I know she hurts. But we're gonna put her right."

The little girl looked up. "We gonna operate?"

Kaylee smiled. "That's right. Gonna make sure she gets well, so we can go home."

"To the black?"

"That's home, right enough."

"Want to help."

Kaylee gazed at her daughter. "Okay," she said finally. "You tell me when I'm getting to a bit that hurts, and then I'll fix it."

Bethany nodded so hard it looked like her head might come off. "'Kay."

"Kaylee." A tinny voice called from the com.

She jumped to her feet and hurried over. "Hank?"

"They're taking him into surgery now."

Kaylee swallowed. "How is he?"

"The same. Still ain't woken up."

"But that's good. He needs to be asleep for this."

"Yeah."

"Where's Simon?"

"He's managed to make them let him watch. He's going in with Ethan."

"Thank God." She knew he couldn't do anything, not to help, but just knowing he was there, close by … "Everything'll be okay. You see."

"Your words to God's ear," Hank said and signed off.

"Momma?"

Kaylee looked down at her daughter. "He'll be okay. You wait. He'll be home and you can play with him again."

"When?"

"Soon, honey." Kaylee swept little Bethany up into her arms, not caring about the grease and dirt. "Soon."


	6. Chapter 6

"He's so small." Freya wouldn't move from the window, staring through, even though she could see virtually nothing.

"I know, _ai ren_. " Mal put his arms around her, holding her strongly against his chest.

"I should have known. I should have been able to hear …" Her voice barely registered.

"Frey, don't."

"Why didn't I?"

"Frey, please –"

"I'm his mother. I should have known." Her eyes closed and tears spilled afresh down her cheeks. "I can't … Mal, if I … if we …" She leaned back into him, trying to gain some comfort from his body.

"We won't. Simon says these are the best doctors on this rock. And you believe him, don't you?"

"We tried so long after Alice … I didn't think we'd ever … Mal, don't let me lose him."

She turned in his arms, holding him so tightly there was no way to tell where she ended and he began.

"You won't. You won't, my Frey. I promise." _Please don't make me break this one_, he prayed silently. _For both our sakes_.

"Not sure I can watch this," Hank muttered, staring at the two people who probably meant the most to him, outside of his Zoe. "My heart's tearing apart as it is."

"So are theirs," Zoe said.

"Yeah." He turned away to look out of the window, at the sleek hover cars whistling by in the light rain that had begun to fall from a leaden sky. "How long does this take?"

"Simon said maybe four hours, maybe less. Ethan's so small …" She rubbed her belly lightly, feeling her own son inside. Was she gonna be like this if he got sick?

"He won't." Hank was gazing at her.

"You picking up on being psychic?"

"And have their kinda problems?" Hank nodded towards Mal and Freya. "No way. But I know what you're thinking, the way you're stroking yourself." He stepped towards her, their eyes on a level. "I'm worried about that too. And scared."

"That we won't be good parents."

"Yeah."

Zoe sat down in one of the comfortable armchairs dotted along the wall. "Most of my life I've only ever really had to look out for me. Oh, there's always been other people around, like my parents, Mal, Wash … now you. But not someone so entirely reliant on me that they'd die if I wasn't there."

"You know I'd die if anything happened to you," he said pointedly. "But I know what you mean." He perched on the arm and nodded. "Wakes me in the night in a cold sweat sometimes."

"A baby. Yours and mine. One we created. Us in another form."

He leaned over and put his arm around her, resting his cheek on the top of her head. "Sounds pretty terrifying. I mean, someone else with a lot of me in. Better be weighted on the Zoe side."

Her lips twitched. "We can only hope."

From the sofa the other side of the room, Jayne looked from one couple to the other, then back at River. She was watching Freya, her eyes unblinking, her hair coming out of its clip.

"Here," he muttered, pulling it away from her face and refastening it. "Don't know how you can see with all that hanging down."

"I'm not looking with my eyes."

He glanced across at Mal and Freya. "Nope, guess none of us are."

"Simon's watching. They're working very hard. Ethan's on a bypass machine so they can open his chest and insert the pacemaker."

"Must be damn small."

"The size of my …" She looked at her hands, then his. "… of _your_ fingernail."

"And it'll work?"

"It will keep his heart beating as long as he's alive."

"And how long's that gonna be?"

"I can't see the future like that, Jayne."

"No. But maybe I can a bit." He got to his feet and grabbed her hand. "Come on. Got something I wanna say to you, only it's gotta be a bit more private."

She let him pull her out into the corridor. "What is it?"

"You could read me and find out." He tried the door to first one room, then another, finally finding an open linen closet. He pulled her inside, turning on the light.

"I'm scared to."

"Scared o' me?" he asked, turning to her.

"No. But of what I might see."

"Ain't nothing bad." He raised her hand, laying it flat on his chest. "River, seeing them, the Cap and Freya, the way this's affected them, made them so … well, like I ain't never seen either of them before, not even when Wing took her, did those things …" He stopped, aware he wasn't going to get out of that sentence in one piece, and started again. "They love Ethan so much, and are so afraid of losing him. Well, that's … that's …" His voice failed him again.

"That's what, Jayne?" she asked, standing closer, feeling the warmth of his body washing over her, feeling his heart beating fast under her palm.

He swallowed and screwed his courage to the mast. "That's how I feel 'bout you."

"You do?" Her pale face, even more colourless in the slightly blue light, was lifted to his.

"I know I'm a _hwoon-dahn_ who ain't deserving to even sit at your table, let alone love you, but I do."

"Do what?"

"Ain't I just said?"

"Not in so many words, no."

He took her face in his large hands, holding her so he could gaze into the dark pools of her eyes. "I love ya, moonbrain."

"Do you?"

"Don't know why, or what you've done to me. And if'n you wanna kill me now for saying it, fine, go ahead. I'll even hold your coat while you do it. Only I had to say. I love ya, with all my heart. Forever."

"Forever."

"Can't ever see it going away."

She looked at him, and for a long moment he thought he'd really gone too far, that this wasn't the right time, and sure as hell not the right place … then she smiled.

"Good."

His heart missed a beat. "Good?"

"You've said it to others. I just had to wait for you to say it to me."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Ain't there something you wanna say to me?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Aw, River …"

"Say my name again and I'll tell you."

"River, I swear I'll – "

"I love you."

He'd known for so long, and yet it was like a physical shock to hear her say the words. "You do?"

"I love you, Jayne Cobb."

A smile broke out on his face. "Well, what'd'ya know about that?" He leaned forward, and with infinite care placed his lips to hers. He kissed her, feeling her mouth opening just a little, the tip of her tongue swirling out to meet his. After a moment he pulled back. "You gonna kill me now?" he asked, suddenly unsure.

River looked at him. "Maybe eventually. In bed. One day. When I've worn you out."

"You mean …"

"Not here. Not now. But when we get to Lazarus …" She reached up and kissed him back, tasting the future on her tongue.

"Already spoken to 'Nara," he admitted when she let him loose.

"I know." She smiled. "Come on. We'd better get back. They'll wonder where we are."

"Doubt they've even noticed we've gone," Jayne said, turning off the light as River opened the door. "They ain't gonna worry about us, not with everything going on."

--

The clock had moved agonisingly slowly, but the minutes had turned into hours as it was inevitable that they did. Hank had pulled one of the larger easy chairs up to the window, and Mal had sat down, pulling Freya to perch on the edge between his knees. She'd finally fallen into a light doze from the constant stress, not able to stop herself, and lay back on his chest. He almost expected to see her put her thumb into between her lips.

Suddenly she sat up. "Ethan," she whispered.

"Frey?" Mal's heart was in his mouth, and he looked through the window. The activity inside seemed to have stopped … "_Wu de tyen, ah_," he muttered, his body turning cold.

The door from the theatre opened and Simon came out, dragging the cap from his head.

Freya stood up, swaying a little, Mal behind her, steadying her. "Simon?"

"It's okay," Simon said, exhaling long and loud. "Ethan's okay."

The surgeon stepped past him, looking benignly at the parents. "He's going to be fine. The operation was a complete success, and he's resting comfortably."

"Thank God," they heard Hank say, echoed by everyone in the room.

"Can we … can I see him?" Freya asked, barely able to breathe.

"In a little while. We just need to take him through to recovery."

"And you're sure he's gonna be all right?" Mal wanted to know.

"I'm sure." The surgeon smiled. "He's a very strong boy. Most others wouldn't have lasted this long."

"Mal …" Freya whispered, looking up into his face.

"I know." He pulled her into his arms, feeling her tears of relief soaking his shirt, his own running down his cheeks to fall into her hair.

"See?" River said softly. "I told you it would be okay."

Jayne hugged her. "That you did."

Hank pulled the com from his pocket.

"I'm sorry," said a passing male nurse. "But you can't use that in here."

"You wanna arrest me? Fine. But I'm letting my friend know Ethan's okay." He pressed the button.

"Sir …"

Zoe stepped closer. "Leave him be."

The nurse looked this Amazon up and down, and obviously considered discretion by far the better part of valour and hurried away.

"_Hank?"_ Kaylee responded quickly.

"He's okay," the pilot said, a grin on his face. "He's gonna be okay."

"See?" Kaylee said, turning to Bethany as they stood in the engine room. "I told you he'd be all right."

"I know," Bethany said, smiling. "I heard."

"Were you peeking?" her mother asked.

"No." She scuffed her shoe on the decking. "Auntie River told me."

"Then that's okay." Kaylee turned back to the com. "You coming home?"

"_Yeah, we will. Don't think the Cap and Freya'll be with us, but we're coming back."_

"I'll put some food on."

"_Great. I'm starved."_

Kaylee laughed. "So what else is new?"


	7. Chapter 7

"He's recovering well. In fact, much faster than I would have imagined." Ethan's doctor was impressed. "If you have decent facilities, you can take him back to your ship tomorrow."

"We have," Simon said. "I can look after him."

"Good." The surgeon narrowed his eyes a little. "Did you never think of becoming a doctor yourself?" he asked. "You seem to have a natural aptitude for it."

"I … tried," Simon lied, thinking quickly. "I was at MedAcad, but there were family problems, and I … things happened, I couldn't go back."

"You should consider it. You'd be an asset to any hospital."

"Thank, but I have a place to be."

"Your ship."

"It's not mine, but … it's home."

"Well, if you change your mind, let me know. I'd be happy to put in a good word for you."

"Thank you."

The doctor became efficiency itself again. "Just keep giving him the shots, and he should be up and about in a few days. Keep him calm, if you can, although I know what a boy that age can be like. I have twins myself."

"I'll try."

"He's healing very well."

"He gets that from his mother."

"Really?" The doctor turned to look into the small ward. "Then she's very lucky."

"That she is." Simon held out his hand. "Thank you."

"You're more than welcome." They shook. "Remember, the medical profession could use a man like you." He smiled and walked away.

"He ain't wrong," Hank said, coming up behind him. "Though I kinda think we got the best end of the deal."

"I just wish …" Simon watched Mal and Freya standing by their son's bedside.

"You knew what to do, doc," Zoe said, the other side. "You saved Ethan's life as surely as that man did."

"And you didn't make him sick in the first place," Hank added.

Simon smiled. At last. "You can try to talk me out of it all you like, but I'm going to wallow in the guilt for a while longer."

Hank sighed. "You're just waiting for little Kaylee to sex you out of it."

Zoe swatted him with her hand. "None of that talk. We're in a hospital."

"You think people in hospital don't have sex? Or even think about it?"

"I didn't say that."

"I'll have you know I have it on good authority that there's more sex goes on in places like this than you've had hot dinners."

"What?"

"Well, okay, maybe not as much as that."

"I meant, what the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know. Something my granma used to say."

"Your granma."

"She brought me up."

"That explains a lot."

"Are you impugning my family?"

"Wouldn't dare."

Simon let the argument drift behind him as he stepped to the window and looked inside to that little haven of peace. He smiled.

--

"They're back!" Kaylee shouted, watching the hover as it approached the Firefly. She was almost bouncing from foot to foot until Jayne touched the vehicle down inside the cargo bay. Hank and Zoe hurried down the stairs, while River was suddenly behind her.

Mal got down first, and Freya passed the bundle in her arms to him before climbing down herself. Simon followed.

"Can I see?" Kaylee said, moving closer.

Mal grinned. "You seen him before."

"Yeah, but not since he …"

"Okay." Mal pulled the blanket to one side.

"Oh." Kaylee gazed down at the little boy, all mussed and asleep. "He's okay?"

"Just tired," Freya said. "He's been awake most of the morning."

Kaylee sighed happily. "I'm so glad he's home."

"So are we."

"Ethan!" Bethany barrelled out of the common area doorway, only just managing to pull herself up before she crashed into her mother's legs.

"Honey, be careful," Kaylee said quickly. Jayne grinned.

"It's okay," Freya said, going down onto her heels. She smiled at Bethany. "Do you want to see?"

Bethany nodded. "Yes please, Auntie Frey," she said formally, reaching out her arms.

Freya picked her up, standing. "See? He's fine."

The little girl leaned over, pulling the blanket a little more open so she could get a better view, and saw the top of the dressing covering the centre of his chest. She went to touch it but pulled back. "Ethan's home," she said softly, stroking his face.

"That he is, Bethie," Mal said, blinking hard a couple of times.

"Can he play?"

"Give him a few days, okay?" Freya said. "Then you can play as much as you like."

Bethany kissed her cheek. "'Kay. Thank you."

Kaylee sniffed loudly and took her daughter from Freya, using the action to cover her emotion. "Come on," she said. "Time for your bath."

"Can Uncle Jayne give me my bath?" Bethany asked, all big-eyed and hopeful.

"Jayne?" Kaylee looked at the big man. "You really want … no, sweetie, I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Tell you what, squirt," Jayne said. "Soon as I put the mule away, how about River and me come and tell you a story?"

Bethany nodded, smiling happily. "About pirates?"

"Probably," River agreed.

"Can Uncle Hank and Auntie Zoe tell it too?"

Mal laughed. "Sounds like you might as well do this round the table," he said. "I'd kinda like to hear it my own self."

"I ain't gonna be no damsel," Hank said firmly.

"But dear, you do it so well," Zoe murmured.

"After your bath, missy," Kaylee said, carrying her daughter through into the common area. "If you're good."

"I'll be good, Momma." Their voices faded away.

"Let me have Ethan," Simon said, holding out his arms. "I'll check the incision then you can take him back to the nursery."

"I'm thinking we'll use one of the other rooms, for the moment," Mal said. "So we don't have to carry him up and down ladders."

Simon nodded. "That's very sensible."

"I have been known to be," Mal said dryly.

"I'll only be a few minutes."

"That's fine, doc. Now we're home."

Simon smiled and walked through towards the infirmary.

"You talk to Chih-Hao?" Mal asked his first mate.

Zoe nodded. "He was sympathetic, and said he hoped Ethan got better soon. He also said the job was still there if we wanted it."

Mal nodded. "Think we might need it. I got the feeling Kaylee's gonna want to replace most of Serenity's moving parts after what I made her do."

"It's not as bad as that, Mal," Hank said. "She's done a hell of a lot with what we got, and we managed to get a few bits cheap from a scrap yard."

"So she's not going to be demanding a new compression coil?"

"I don't think we actually said that, sir," Zoe put in. "And she still needs to take some major overhaul time out."

"But she says we can do the job, and get back to Lazarus, if'n she can spend a week at least there," Hank added.

"A week?" Mal looked at Freya, shaking his head. "Don't know we can spare a whole week."

"Don't tease," his wife said, looking more relaxed than she had in days. "Besides, it'll give Ethan a chance to recover properly."

He smiled and pulled her into his side. "A week it is, then," he said, and dropped his head to kiss her lightly.

--

"I'm sorry."

Mal stood in the middle of the dining area, and looked around him. It was gone midnight, ship's time, and everyone was in bed, hopefully asleep. He hitched his thumbs into his pants pockets and studied the flowers on the pipes and bulkhead, just him and …

"I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice quiet. "I wish I hadn't had to ask Kaylee to do that. But it was my son. My boy. He … he was dying." The words caught in his throat. "Couldn't let that happen."

He turned, seeing the chairs at the table, the counter, the cupboards, all the appurtenances and contrivances of living on board his Firefly.

"I had to tell her to do that. Ain't her fault, so don't go taking it out on Kaylee. I know she near cried herself unconscious doing that to you, and she's prob'ly not forgiven me yet. I ain't forgiven myself, truth to tell. Not for any of it."

Mal sighed, and pulled out his chair, sitting down as if about to say grace.

"First time I saw you, in that shipyard, you were like a breath of fresh air to me. Been a long time in that camp, and when that money came through, and Frey told me I had to take it, I didn't really know what I was looking for. Coulda bought anything. Only there you were. Sitting right at the edge. Like nobody was gonna ask you to dance. Only I did, didn't I?"

He ran his hands over the old wood, feeling the texture, the grain, beneath his fingertips.

"And you've been my companion for a long while. Always wished I had more money to spend on you." He smiled a little. "But even when you damn near killed me 'cause of that catalyzer, there was still something that told me you wouldn't." He laughed. "Okay, it was only a little something, but it was there. Even when the air was running out and I was freezing my balls off on the bridge, I still believed. And you ain't let me down. Not once."

He looked up, into the pipes and conduits that ran the length of the dining area.

"'Cept I let you down. And I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes, feeling the weight of the last few days still pressing down on him and his head dropped. He knew there was more, much more he wanted to say, but if anyone knew what he couldn't verbalise it was surely Serenity.

"She knows," River said quietly, stepping down behind him.

"Does she?" he asked, not moving, not looking.

"Serenity understands. She is the home, the mother, the womb for us all. And she knows what Ethan means to you." She stood by him. "To both of you."

"Then she knows I'd'a blown her up if it meant saving either of 'em."

"She does. And she forgives."

He smiled. "Serenity ain't nothing more than a few thousand credits of metal and some wiring. How'd she be able to forgive me?"

"Why were you asking for it, then?" River countered.

He looked up at her. "You listening in again?"

"I came for a drink of water. I couldn't help but hear." She sat down next to him in Freya's chair.

"Thought you were thirsty."

"You need to talk."

"Not that much."

There was silence between them for a long while, then River spoke. "It's not her fault."

Mal almost jumped. "What? Whose?"

"Freya's."

He glared at her. "You stay outta my brain, albatross. I can feel you rummaging around in there, and it ain't safe. There's bear-traps and the like."

"You can feel me." She smiled. "If you'd done well on that test, you might have ended up in the Academy. Like me."

"River …"

"I can't help but see some things. And that day, when you weren't concentrating on the test, only thinking about Maddy, about your first time …" She coloured, her pale skin taking on a hint of pink. "You know what they were doing."

"Figured it out a while back," Mal admitted. "When I was thinking about my Ma. Didn't have any inkling at the time they did that kinda thing."

"On the Core planets it was sooner rather than later. And not everyone was tested."

"Just seemed like another waste of a boy's day."

"Too anxious to become a man."

He laughed. "Seems like you need to take a leaf outta Bethany's book and stop peeking."

"Sometimes you're too loud."

"I'll try and bear that in mind."

"And it was good you did badly."

"Yeah?" He smiled. "My momma weren't too pleased I didn't do my best."

"She'd have lost you sooner if you had. You have more potential than you give yourself credit for."

"You saying I'm psychic?" He shook his head. "That's Frey's department, not mine."

"Not psychic. But you could have been made to be."

"Like they did to you?"

She shrugged. "No. But nearly."

"Glad I was thinking about something else, then."

She put her head on one side. "That's why men follow you."

Now the laugh that bubbled from his lips was more scathing. "So I brainwash people into being loyal?"

"No." She smiled widely. "But your honesty, your fortitude, your strength … they can feel it more clearly. It becomes their anchor."

"River, if you weren't better'n before, I'd say you were crazy."

"Still crazy. That won't change. It can't. My brain will never be the way it was. But I can live with it."

"So can we all, _xaio nu_."

Her smile threatened to split her head. "Called me _daughter._"

He felt the blush rise up his chest. "Seemed kinda fitting. Seeing as Jayne said that's how you look on me."

"He's right." She was almost glowing with sudden happiness. "You're more father to me than the man who sired me. And Freya is more mother."

"I've seen that."

"And Jayne is …" Her voice trailed away.

"Jayne's what, River?"

"The man I want to be with."

"That for sure?"

"For sure. It's time."

Mal had to say, had to ask, even though he knew it might hurt. "You over Jethro?" He felt the guilt flash through him as her face saddened.

"No. Not over. But around."

"You wanna try that again?" he asked.

"Captain dummy talk?" she teased, putting her hand on his.

"Something like that."

She nodded. "I'll never forget Jethro. Never stop loving him. But he's dead. I said goodbye to him and we buried him on Prometheus. I made him a garden. But he can never come back."

"Wish I coulda stopped it from happening, _mei-mei_."

She smiled slightly. "As Freya is so fond of saying, we don't have the power to go back and change the past. I wish I did." Her last words rang with sorrow.

"It weren't your fault neither." Mal turned his hand to grasp her fingers.

"No. I couldn't have stopped it. Two places at one time. Not possible." She sighed. "He loved me. And I will miss him. But that is the past and I have a future to hold onto."

"Jayne?"

"Jayne."

"You know he's a mean-spirited, ornery son of a bitch, don't you?"

She laughed, her good humour back. "I know."

"And that don't change your mind."

"My mind changes every day, Captain," she said softly. "But not about this."

"If he treats you bad, you tell me."

"If he treats me bad, I won't have to."

He grinned. "No, guess maybe you won't at that. Just leave enough of him to do the job, _dong mah_?"

"_Wo dong_, Captain."

"How's your brother gonna take this?"

She shrugged. "He has to understand that he can't change things." Her dark eyes burned into his. "As do you."

"Do I?"

"We can apologise. Pray they never happen again, but we can't change what we were forced to do."

He smiled. "Serenity."

"She's not angry with you. And certainly not with Kaylee. And she accepts your apology."

"You _have_ been at the crazy juice again, ain't you?" Mal joked.

"Not so's you'd notice." She grinned suddenly. "I don't need to."

"So Serenity ain't gonna die on me?"

"Not if she can help it."

"I am sorry, you know. Having to do that. I heard the noises … I'd swear she was screaming."

"She was. But she knows Kaylee is making the pain go away." She disentangled her hand from his and stood up. "Time to go to bed."

"With Jayne?"

"Not until we get to Lazarus. He's already spoken to Inara."

"Has he now."

She smiled. "Don't try reading _my_ mind, captain. It would only give you a headache. And your wife is waiting for you."

"She's asleep."

"Perhaps. But that doesn't mean that she can't want you next to her."

Mal smiled. "Go on. Better get to your bed, albatross."

"Goodnight, Mal."

"'Night, River."

She ran off, out of the galley, her dress and hair flying behind her like gauzy wings.

For a moment longer he sat, staring into the empty doorway, then he stood up. "Goodnight, Serenity," he murmured, and almost heard a voice whispering back … _Goodnight, my Captain_.


End file.
